Still Awake
by Captain Boo Bear
Summary: Remus and Sirius are awake, and bored as hell. And James can insult people in his sleep, apparently. Dialogue fic; SBRL. About 800 words.


**a/n** Remus has the first line.

**Still Awake**

"Still awake?"

"Still awake."

"What time is it now?"

"Quarter past three."

"Bugger."

"You swear like an old man."

"Yeah, well you look like an old man."

"Well you have the penis of an old man."

"NEITHER OF YOU WILL _HAVE _PENISES IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"I think we hit a nerve. Having problems keeping it up, James?"

"Huh?"

"Erectile dysfunction."

"Remus gets the dirty joke and you don't? I pity you Prongs. Or should I say Stumps?"

"Eugh, enough Sirius. Let James and his dysfunctional penis sleep."

"Wait a – he's not even awake!"

"… He can insult people in his sleep?"

"Holy shit. Why can't _I _do that?"

"You insult people enough when you're conscious."

"Still. He must never know."

"You're right; we don't really need to feed his ego."

"He has to be able to fit through the door, after all."

"It's enough work as it is. You lot are _terrible _in the mornings."

"So are you. You're a sixteen-year-old boy too, you know."

"Really? I never knew."

"You will be thanking me for this epiphany, then?"

"No. I won't be doing that."

"Ingrate. Speaking of, you know Regulus is on the Slytherin Quidditch team now?"

"Oh. Congratulations, I suppose."

"It's weird though, isn't it? Blood brother versus all-but-blood brother..."

"And either way you win."

"Um. No."

"..."

"Hey, Moony."

"Hello, Padfoot. What are you doing in my bed?"

"I'm invading your personal space."

"... But _why_?"

"It's _bloody _freezing in here, that's why."

"Oh. Yeah, the house elves have been 'forgetting' to heat our room ever since – you know."

"We set half of them free, yeah..."

"I don't really like the whole house-elf system anyway."

"Maybe they should get a union."

"NEITHER OF YOU WILL LOVE SOCK PUPPETS IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

"…"

"Um, I guess the other one was a fluke?"

"Ha, Prongs. He can embarrass himself in his sleep."

"So you're telling him this one?"

"Are you kidding? Moony, at some point in the future Evans is going to wake up to that, and he is going to be condemned to sleeping on the couch for a month."

"You're that sure that she'll give in?"

"Well, he is in love with her. Chicks love that."

"How irrational of them."

"I know, right?"

"What about you? Have you ever been in love?"

"I don't know. You?"

"Just the once, and how can you not know?"

"I'm emotionally stunted."

"How can you say that in such an _isn't-it-obvious _way?"

"Isn't it? So, who's the bird?"

"You mean like the feathered animal or the gesture you love giving professors when they're not looking?"

"No, like the girl you were in love with."

"I never used past tense, Pads."

"Oh, okay. So –"

"I never said girl, either."

"..."

"Are you – _laughing_? You fucking bastard, I –"

"No, no, it's just –"

"_What_?"

"... Prongs owes me five galleons."

"You _betted _on my sexuality?"

"Yep."

"And _why _is this funny?"

"He was just really, really convinced you were straight. He also had a theory that you were madly in love with Evans."

"He thinks everyone is in love with Evans."

"I know. He made me swear never to charm her in any way. Maybe that's why she doesn't like me."

"Maybe. Or maybe it's the fact that we're worst enemies with her best friend."

"Ex-best friend. And yeah, that may have been a factor."

"..."

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah Moony?"

"How'd you know? That I'm..."

"Gay. A fairy. A flaming poof. A buggering –"

"Sirius!"

"Oh. Because my charms work on you."

"_Excuse _me?"

"Yeah. You're attracted to me."

"Uh-bu-that's –"

"It's not the end of the world, Remus. At least you have good taste."

"..."

"Oh, and I'm attracted to you too."

"But – _what_?"

"I guess my taste just isn't as good as yours."

"Gee. Thanks."

"I kid because I love. And – _shite_, Moony – is it me?"

"What?"

"_The person you're in love with_. Is it?"

"Sirius..."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"... I'm emotionally stunted, remember."

"Pads..."

"I'm also, you know... kind of an arrogant prat."

"Are you insulting my taste?"

"Moony, you –"

"..."

"Wow."

"You _wow _from a kiss?"

"It was a _wow _sort of kiss, Padfoot."

"... So, to reiterate, I'm emotionally –"

"..."

"– You really have to stop doing that, Moony."

"... If you want."

"I don't, really. I was kinda hoping _you _would. You're the controlled one here."

"Then we're in trouble."

"..."

"You being uncontrolled works too."

"I'm glad you think so."

"..."

"Mm, I'm sleepy now Sirius."

"Damnit Remus, I can't be pissed off with you if you say it like that."

"..."

"Goodnight Moony."

"Goodnight Padfoot."

"..."

"Hey Moony?"

"Yes, Padfoot?"

"_Still awake?"_

**/fin/**

**a/n** You know, how late at night if someone can't sleep, they have can't-sleep-sex? Yeah. That's the implication there. Just thought I'd point it out. Oh and Remus kissed first... and all the other times. Use your imagination. I know how dirty your minds are.


End file.
